We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
