we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
