Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
