The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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