You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
