party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
