So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
