Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
