Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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