you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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