CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
