covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
