You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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