What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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