I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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