He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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