I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize