This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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