how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
