I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
