Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
