Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize