So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
