What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
