like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
