Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
