U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
