Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
