Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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