I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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