remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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