apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
