ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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