this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
