i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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