I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
