They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
