I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
