ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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