people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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