Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
