you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
