You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize