I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
