the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
