Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
