a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
