So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize