I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate all girls vehemently.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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