Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
