apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
