Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
