I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
