College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
