my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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