M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you win again, gameday.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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