my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
