Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
