did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
