So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
