Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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