I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dick very happy bro
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
