not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
