no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
