So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
