and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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