listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
