Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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