my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
