i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
