I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
