i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
