I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
