i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
